And the rain rain rain came down down down...

[kragore]

Because of the wet from the sky, nothing outside can be done.
Dog is asleep. Carkiller's asleep. Everyone else is gone, and the rain pours down, an angry revelry on the glass.

Yesterday I went, with Carkiller, over to see my Grandmother. She has been placed permently in a nursing home, as her medical problems are just to many and severe for my mother to take care of her in her home any more. The visit went well enough, I suppose, other than the begging for us to take her home, the pleading to get out of bed, and the bursting into tears at very other conversation topic.
It was very much like tripping your way through a mine field, in the dark, on your hands and knees. It left both Carkiller and I wrung out and exhausted by the time we left. I don't know how my mother can go and subject herself to that every day, but she does, gods bless her.

I'm supposed to be taking my other grandmother out to lunch today at 11:30. As I mentioned before, it's pouring, and Gram usually doesn't like to go out in weather, nor in this condition would I want her to. Perhaps it will have to be put off, or I can run to town and pick up something as a treat and bring it to her. I think that's a better plan. Lunch can wait until I come back out, and maybe it isn't torrentially raining.


Last night, I was standing in the kitchen, doing the dishes, my father standing besides me pouring a beer after getting home from a long day of overtime. He looks up at me, sideways, and with little promting says "You kids have to live your lives. You have to think of yourselves, and what you need, as much as what we need. No one else should have to live through all this guilt crap," before turning, and wandering into the living room to snuggle with BruNO and watch the Simpsons.
Dad has already had to live though this once with his father. I was very young, and remember very little of it, save for the ugly orange curtains and the tension of the visits. Djedju instigated a great deal of guilt into our family, which even now, generations later, reverberate as if it were only yesterday.


It's still pouring. BruNO is wandering listlessly around the house. Carkiller's still sleeping. I'm having a hard time sleeping here. I don't know if it's the bed, or the location, or the lack of something large and warm snuggled up against my back, but sleep here has been choppy at best. Benedryl has helped, but that doesn't give me restful sleep, just a coma for 8 hours.
I'm very much looking forward to a weekend near Citgo, though from the sounds of it, he's already got the weekend well planned. Ehh. I'll get some couch time with the cats, I suppose.


I also figured out today that June 9th also happens to be my little brother's graduation from Highschool. *Ahhh!* This probably means driving out to Rohan friday early in the day, going to the graduation, *yay, graduating!*, waking up Saturday morning, and driving down to Gather. Speaking of which, I have to figure out and pay for that. I hope to have Citgo in tow, but it's looking unlikely. My screwed up lack of schedule and need for fluidity and his obsessive need to over extend his freetime don't seems to be meshing very much at all lately. On a rainy day like today, that also has me a bit long in the face.

Ehh. Life goes on.
Guess it's time to roust the sibling.

- k.

Comments

:(

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Went throught this with my grandma and Kendrick's. You dad is right. Don't blame you Gram too much either..she is scared. When my Gram was put in, she pleaded with me to take her out of the nursing home. I tried living with her for a week but finally she had to go back in. Even with my mom, me and a day nurse taking care of her, it just wasn't enough. My gram needed 24 hr care.
She got better about it after awhile. I visited her alot and Mom did too and we had her over to the house for the holiday.
Kendrick's Gram got the same way...and got better about over time when she became resigned to the fact that her home was now the nursing home. She doesn't recognize me anymore. Getting old sucks. I have no desire to get old. Luckily I knew them both when they were able and interesting. And that is how I choose to remember them.

Gwyneth