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No, I don't mean corn bread and chili.
Nope, not even fried wild mushrooms in bacon grease with 2 eggs over easy and a slice of white toast with butter, golden brown.
Nope, not even a big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.
I'm talking about things that feed my soul. Things that make me look up and say "wow." Things, experiances, that make me look at life from a slightly different angle. Things that get my hands dirty and mind busy, but in the right direction. Not in the sinking, struggling, backpeddling, looming way that my soul teeters now.
It is the time of the long dark, and while the days get longer, the night lingers in my mind. I can go home and do many things, things that need doing, cleaning, washing, etc., but I'm maintaining, not growing.
We have a long history in my family of going through sudden, abrupt mid-life-crisises (crisisi?) When talking to my mother, she commented on how I have my father beat by three years, my grandfather by about 5. During these midlife crisisi, we have a tendency to throw down everything we previously know, hop on one foot until we are facing 180* of where we started, hop for a few steps, fall flat on our faces, and then crawl back to what we did before, battered, but knowing we tried. I've started hopping on one foot, but have not started to swing around just yet, so there may be hope that I don't take a header like those before me.
(I promise I'm not going to quit my job as the sole breadwinner with three small children and decided that I will make my living in environmentally sound timber harvesting, Dad.)
But something's itchy. Something's making me start hopping on one foot, and looking around for which way to fall.
Perhaps it's just winter and I'm exhausted and discontent. I get grumpy when I'm tired, and I've been tired for a few months now. Not completely, (knowing what complete mental and emotional exhaustion feels like,) just mostly.
We shall see what the year brings. I was able to usher it in in the warm arms of a man I truely Like, and considering the year, that was enough.
Rather than hop around wild-eyed, looking for an escape, I hope to step deliberately, with thought and caution, onto a new path, if that be what life has in store for me.
- k.
Nope, not even fried wild mushrooms in bacon grease with 2 eggs over easy and a slice of white toast with butter, golden brown.
Nope, not even a big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.
I'm talking about things that feed my soul. Things that make me look up and say "wow." Things, experiances, that make me look at life from a slightly different angle. Things that get my hands dirty and mind busy, but in the right direction. Not in the sinking, struggling, backpeddling, looming way that my soul teeters now.
It is the time of the long dark, and while the days get longer, the night lingers in my mind. I can go home and do many things, things that need doing, cleaning, washing, etc., but I'm maintaining, not growing.
We have a long history in my family of going through sudden, abrupt mid-life-crisises (crisisi?) When talking to my mother, she commented on how I have my father beat by three years, my grandfather by about 5. During these midlife crisisi, we have a tendency to throw down everything we previously know, hop on one foot until we are facing 180* of where we started, hop for a few steps, fall flat on our faces, and then crawl back to what we did before, battered, but knowing we tried. I've started hopping on one foot, but have not started to swing around just yet, so there may be hope that I don't take a header like those before me.
(I promise I'm not going to quit my job as the sole breadwinner with three small children and decided that I will make my living in environmentally sound timber harvesting, Dad.)
But something's itchy. Something's making me start hopping on one foot, and looking around for which way to fall.
Perhaps it's just winter and I'm exhausted and discontent. I get grumpy when I'm tired, and I've been tired for a few months now. Not completely, (knowing what complete mental and emotional exhaustion feels like,) just mostly.
We shall see what the year brings. I was able to usher it in in the warm arms of a man I truely Like, and considering the year, that was enough.
Rather than hop around wild-eyed, looking for an escape, I hope to step deliberately, with thought and caution, onto a new path, if that be what life has in store for me.
- k.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-03 08:20 pm (UTC)From:And, I know the feeling. I'm currently trying to hop but I just keep sitting back down again. :P Now something has come along that I REALLY want to hop into head-first, but I have to be patient and wait for it to be ready for me... ...Spring-time, probably.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-03 08:23 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-03 08:27 pm (UTC)From:;)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-04 03:30 pm (UTC)From:Of course, how do I know I don't like asparagus unless I try it?
Thanks for the nudge.
- k.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-04 03:40 pm (UTC)From: