Force of Will

Last night wasn't so poor as it could have been. I attribute much of it to the emotional steeling I gave myself earlier in the day. Nothing was getting through those walls, accept maybe the Artist and Barret, because they're just so damn cute.

Made a dire mistake. Was so hungry I agreed to pizza. Not the smartest thing I'd ever done.
Note to self: When you know it makes you sick, don't... eat.... it. Dumbass.

Have run into a problem with my weekend. Was supposed to go to an event on Saturday. Saturday is also the day (I now find out) of the annual carriage auction in Greenfield. (Grumble.) I really like going to the auction, and look forward to it. Too bad the folks didn't tell me until three days before this year. But I've already told people that I'd be at Summerfest... *sigh*

Started packing, or at least gathering things, for Pennsic. It's now in a nice pile in the gaming room. I'm somewhat disturbed that I have two rubbermaid tubs full of stuff, and bedding on top of that... Think I'll go back through and slim it down a little. I want to get it packed early, so if need be, I can ship it down, (or up,) to people very early, so they can play with where it'll eventually wind up.
If I take out some of the extras, I may be able to fit my hides *inside* the tubs. This is a mucho good idea. Damp furs suck.
Speaking of furs... must requisition more. No portable bed warmer this year. Mmm... should throw an extra polarfleece in then, too...

Have discovered something very disturbing. I think something is eating my socks. Or at least they're gathering my socks for a terrible necromantic ritual or something. I'm down to about two pairs of clean ones, and the dirty ones just up and vanish. Must poke about and see what's living under the bed...

- K.

Crap... carp?

No, it's not a fish...

Just got an email from someone. The long and short of it is that last night, when I was half asleep, someone decided to strike up a conversation, the content of which will have ramifications to about a dozen other people.
Crap.
*kicks self*
I should just keep by big friggin' mouth shut. When Kragore starts answering in monosylables, stop discussing potentially important things with her.
And sure, you can say in the broadcast email that it's "because of no one person." Bullshit, you everloving asshole. That's about as effective as the line about "electing to leave the game." I may not remember much of the conversation due to my immense consentration on the interesting patterns on the back of my eyelids, but I do know that it was my big exhausted mouth that will have ruined everyone's else's good fun.

C is not for cookie,(that's good enough for me.)
C is for Crap.
- K.

Hunger

Hunger is a many-splendored thing.
I have just ate, but I am hungry.

It's something hot and coiled, cold and poised. A calm demeanor does not belay the turmoil coalescing inside. Which is as it should be. A finely honed mask of years of emotion rolling and shaping doesn't drop at the first sign of trouble.

It's a passion, the need for raw explosive power. It's often found in sudden release of emotion. There are various way to cater to this need. Stand in a field in a lightning storm. Walk alone in the woods at night. Find a fear and exploit it. Sex. Pain.
Let's hear it for an empath's curse. Who needs drugs when you have adrenaline?
You can smell it. Feel it raising the hair on your neck. Like a dog before a thunder storm, pacing... Allowing the coil of dread, of control, to loosen.
*paces from the door to the window and back again*
Something's up. It's crawling up my shoulders on poisoned claws and nibbling on the back of my neck. Something is going very poorly somewhere to someone close. Either in the family, or the...

Or I've starved myself for too long. I've been too restless for too long. I snarled at Barret last night and didn't know it until I saw his reaction. I've been getting feral at work, such that they've noticed. Not a good sign. One should not snap at the SubBoss just for doing something dumb.

*twich*

A walk... I'll go for a walk...

- K.