kragore | A day in the life of BruNO (Reply)

I woke up, yesterday, much like I do every day. After a good deep stretch, I had the humans let me outside for my morning constitutional.
That accomplished, I came in, had my morning kibble, (complete with 1 raw egg, 1 Benedryl, 1 Vitamin E, 1 Omega 3, 1 Glucosamine, and 1 Magnesium, for a healthy coat and hips, and my myriad skin conditions.) Kibble consumed, I lay down for my morning nap.

The day was nice, so I decided to take my nap out to the deck, the better to enjoy the various smells and sounds the waft up from over the fields. My eyes grew heavy, and eventually my head sank lower and lower until I lay, most undignified, sprawled out upon the wood slats.
Somehow, my collar had become twisted and my accessories, (what my humans refer to as "Tags" or "Bling",) became lodged in the creveses of the deck. I woke up with quite a start when I realized I couldn't move!
Panic set in as I fought against the deck! I wiggled, I wriggled, but to no avail! Finally with a great heave, I managed to free my self, destroying the ring that bound me, and loosing both my accessories. The mighty momentum carried my noble head back, and with a Crack! I saw stars as the outside wall of the house met my fine noggin.
Dazed, I stood up, and staggered into the house, while the humans looked about muttering words like "Bear" "Metor" and "Moose".
I retired to the safety of the basement for the rest of the morning.

That afternoon, after sleeping off a pounding headache, I decided to go outside with The Boy. We went for a long, wonderful walk that ended with a lovely refreshing swim. We rambled back to the house, where I decided to take my afternoon nap in the grass, as it is quite springy and lovely this time of year, especially since the humans haven't had time to trim it recently.

After my nap, I went for a little ramble about the fields, checking the permiter to make sure nothing had threatened our space. (That is what they feed me for, and after all, the the humans are much to slow to realize that the need protecting from things like frogs and butterflies. Nefarious little creatures, I tell you.)
I was up in the back 40, when I came upon a thing I'd never experienced before. It didn't look right - not like a dog - it was low, and waddled. It didn't even really look like an animal! More like a rock. Usually I don't pay attention to the rocks, but since this one was walking, I had to investigate.
I walked over and sniffed the rock-thing, but I couldn't get a read on it, so I very gently tried to pick it up to bring it home. The humans could deal with it.

THE ROCK BIT ME.
The rock-thing, squealing, turned out not to be a Rock-Thing at all, but rather a POKEY THING, full of prickles and EVIL. I dropped the POKEY THING (on my foot, I might add, where it poked me again,) and ran for home, and the safety of the lawn.

I got to the house just in time for the Lady Human to throw a new toy to me! But my mouth was still full of POKEY EVIL, and so I sat down, my courageous self broken, and started to cry. I nosed the new bright red kong-toy, but it made my nose hurt more. I tried to rub the POKEY EVIL off on the lawn, but it wouldn't go away. And my paw hurt.

So I sat and cried.
Finally, the Lady Human noticed my pitiful state. She came over, took one look at the POKEY EVIL stuck to my face, and bellowed for The Boy to come help her.
I thought I was getting a treat, when suddenly, The Boy tackled me, and held my paws immobile, while The Lady Human, whom I love and adore with all my heart, only second to Kong, pulled out her "Leather Man" (which is neither leather, nor a man,) and started yanking the POKEY EVIL out of my face! OUT OF MY FACE! No warning, no drugs, no treat first!
I whimpered and struggled. The POKEY EVIL hurt more coming out than going in! Finally, I could take the injustice no more. I cast off both Humans, and ran to the sanctity of Crate, deep in the cool dark of the basement. There I lay, in near delirium, until the Lady Human came down with a treat and drew me out. She, (in a testament to her dead-weight lifting skills,) placed me inside the Great White Chariot and took me to the Place of Foul Smells.

And LEFT me there.

Abandoned by my people, alone in unfamiliar territory, I became unwound. They tell me I fought like a demon, and they had to use "Sed-a-tive" to give me back some sense. The Foul Smelling People tell the Lady Human they extracted nearly 20 of the POKEY EVIL from inside my beautiful mouth.

The Lady Human did eventually post my bail for the Foul Smelling Place, and brought me home. Back to The Boy, and the Lawn, and all the things I love.

As I write to you, I am hiding the the basement, in my crate, my nose swollen, and my mouth still all numbly-mumbly. The humans mock me. I'm pouting.

I can't help but think that the POKEY-rock-EVIL-thing is still out there... waiting for me....
That, and the "sed-a-tive" has some rather pleasant side effects...
I'm off to dream about pink bunnies and what it will be like to play with my new KongToy, when I can finally chew again....

*German shepherd sized snores.....*

- BruNO!