![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Contemplative
Nov. 20th, 2002 06:55 pmLong day of contemplation and strange occurances.
Heard from Horse. Haven't heard from Horse in almost a year. Was shocking and wierd, but good to catch up, but strange at the same time. As a rule, I don't often like females. She's one of the few I can say never fucked with my head.
Also met the freshman they're drafting to take my place at work. She's cute, and young, and energetic, and modivated.
Excited to be working in the field, excited to see her work in print, excited to be working for FSC. Everything I was 5 years ago.
Jesus, I feel old.
Am I in the right line of work? I've asked myself this alot lately. I've been at the game here for so long, I don't know if I'm any good at this. All I've been doing is regurgitating corporate shlock, for all intents and puposes. Any thumb-wielding monkey could do my job.
I'm getting sketchy and paranoid about internship, I know. I have to call Higgins tomorrow. Must get that set up, because for all intents and purposes, Ireland is dead in the water.
*sigh*
It was a nifty pipe dream while it lasted. Don't pity me, and don't try to console me. It's my decision.
It was so cool to see the young one get so excited about her job. It was so refreshing, and at the same time, saddening. Have I become so jaded? Where is my drive? What on earth is my modivation?
Oh, I know my modivation. It is the god-almighty Buck. Bottom line. That's *all* that drives me lately. How much time can I put into this, what's the pay rate, and how much can I stash in the bank?
There are some very real reasons for this. The fact that I will be working for three months, full time, For Free, has something to do with the paranoia about money. *Bristles* And don't dare even breathe that I ask my parents for it. I'm not above asking for help, but I'm well above breaking my parent's hearts. You can't bleed a stone.
Ranty ranty rant.
That seems all I'm capable of writing lately. That, or dark, depressing shorts.
I got to design a chistmas card today. Boring as all hell, because we can't offend anyone. Yay, a clump of Pantone 342 holly on white stock. One color. I almost fell asleep designing it. Actually, I did fall asleep designing it.
And I wonder why I'm beginning to lothe that which I'm getting my major in?
*sigh*
The little creative monster receeds to the back of my mind faster every day...
- K.
Russian Proverb: Hope is the last to die.
Heard from Horse. Haven't heard from Horse in almost a year. Was shocking and wierd, but good to catch up, but strange at the same time. As a rule, I don't often like females. She's one of the few I can say never fucked with my head.
Also met the freshman they're drafting to take my place at work. She's cute, and young, and energetic, and modivated.
Excited to be working in the field, excited to see her work in print, excited to be working for FSC. Everything I was 5 years ago.
Jesus, I feel old.
Am I in the right line of work? I've asked myself this alot lately. I've been at the game here for so long, I don't know if I'm any good at this. All I've been doing is regurgitating corporate shlock, for all intents and puposes. Any thumb-wielding monkey could do my job.
I'm getting sketchy and paranoid about internship, I know. I have to call Higgins tomorrow. Must get that set up, because for all intents and purposes, Ireland is dead in the water.
*sigh*
It was a nifty pipe dream while it lasted. Don't pity me, and don't try to console me. It's my decision.
It was so cool to see the young one get so excited about her job. It was so refreshing, and at the same time, saddening. Have I become so jaded? Where is my drive? What on earth is my modivation?
Oh, I know my modivation. It is the god-almighty Buck. Bottom line. That's *all* that drives me lately. How much time can I put into this, what's the pay rate, and how much can I stash in the bank?
There are some very real reasons for this. The fact that I will be working for three months, full time, For Free, has something to do with the paranoia about money. *Bristles* And don't dare even breathe that I ask my parents for it. I'm not above asking for help, but I'm well above breaking my parent's hearts. You can't bleed a stone.
Ranty ranty rant.
That seems all I'm capable of writing lately. That, or dark, depressing shorts.
I got to design a chistmas card today. Boring as all hell, because we can't offend anyone. Yay, a clump of Pantone 342 holly on white stock. One color. I almost fell asleep designing it. Actually, I did fall asleep designing it.
And I wonder why I'm beginning to lothe that which I'm getting my major in?
*sigh*
The little creative monster receeds to the back of my mind faster every day...
- K.
Russian Proverb: Hope is the last to die.
