Tang

There was a special tang on the air tonight.
It is the sweet taste of seasons changing. It's been creeping up for the past few nights. Warm/hot days followed by cold nights get the blood moving and the heart stirring. The night is crisp as I slink up the road, passing from shadow to shadow from the parking lot. And there I met a quandary.

A young girl, approx. 19, sat on the curb by the sidewalk. Not an unusual occurence considering this is a college, but the location was remote, the night was chill, she was without a coat, and obviously was trying to not be upset.
I wanted to reach out and at least ask if she was ok, but then a small war started in my head. Sometimes you just want to be angry/sad/upset, and you don't want people around, particularly those you don't know from Eve. On the other hand, sometimes just a gentle inquiry makes all the difference.
And so I was torn. I've been in both situations, and with today's social climate of "trust no one," I would have felt particularly uncomfortable about it.
So I did the next best thing in my book. I walked along, quiet, harmless, (yea, you in the back? stop laughing so hard.. ;p.. ) slowly, and about halfway down the road I glanced back and saw she'd gotten up and was also walking my way, towards the dorms. Excellent.
Some subtle observations later, and with drastic modification to my usual walking speed, I had ushered her through the doors and up into the dorm.
I didn't do anything, and she maybe (is) still upset, but at least I know she's not on the street anymore.

And that makes me feel better.

- K., who really enjoyed the goldfish bowl margarhitas...

Urrk.

Srupid allergies... Stupid stuffy head... Stupid ring...

Anywho, Ember, can you email me? I don't have your addy, and it's not visable on your info page.

In other news, I seems FSC is not the "suitcase college" it used to be. I mean, I could find closer parking last night, but there were people around. Like, lots of them. Being assholes into the wee hours of the morning, (and considering I rolled in a 1:30am, that's saying something.) When did this happen?

Must go now.. still have to hit the market before game...
Bbq sauce and gummy candy, here I come!

Oh, and Bleys, If you catch this, I left my left-over lunch in your 'fridge. If you remembered to bring it with you today, umm.. well, I don't have a hell of a lot to barter with, but I'm sure we could arrive at an amicable solution.

- K., muzzy at best this morning..

I.. just.. what.. Huh? I.. but.. I..

Wow. Not even a bleeding week and someone's stolen my dry erase marker. No big shock there, except every stinking door has a bloody board on it, and my marker's the only one gone. Much like last year, I guess anything useful will have to come down and the razor-edged metal "Beware of Dog" sign will have to go up.
Fuck 'em. I hate it here anyway. Let 'em cut themselves to ribbons trying to take it off. I don't give a flying rat's ass, except I do take some perverse delight in knowing at least one person will be idiot enough to do it.
Speaking of which, I have to get said sign when I drive out to home and sharpen it before hanging it again.

***

I'm loyal to a fucking fault.
I do what you tell me too.
Even when it's killing me.
Because you told me too.
Don't use me like this.
Don't change your tune 90% of the way through the song.
Don't make me feel like the bad one for doing what you ask.

I just want to make you happy, damnit.
So stop fucking shitting on me.

***

I hurt.
Inside and out.
Tonight it was made apparent to me.
That I hurt. It just... hurts. There's no other words.
The tears are gone. Why waste the energy.

***

"..she has her freedom, but would rather be bound.."

***

The stars were out. But it's not cold. I like the cold better. it fits me better. When I'm cold, I can forget. The cold is a friend; it tunes the senses and make the mind think, not of trivial shit, but of survival and warmpth, of home and comfort.

***

I want to pummel my head. To chase out the thoughts that form there. The ones that eat, that nag, that consume. To silence the ideas that surface and scald, leaving more black thoughts in their wake. To sleep, to dream no more, to rest and be rested, and not hounded by concepts you don't understand. To find silence, and be able to hear it for what it is.
Silence.

***

Ok, maybe there is a little room left for tears.

~ K.

And they fell

And they fell like rain

As I drifted in unteathered thought

And the sweet voiced Bard sang

Delived via an electronic road I had meant to turn off long ago

And they fell, bitter, weary, broken

As I fell, head in my hands

And knew... right now it's pretty bad, but it'll be alright. It'll get better.


Pull hard on your oars, boys, they're drawing us nearer to home.

- K.