kragore | Apr. 1st, 2002

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Oh well. So this past weekend was interesting. Long, not entirely good, nor bad.. just.. necessary.
Had a revelation about a few things, namely religion, family, and fate.
I won't go into the religious side of things here, I'm not entirely sure I've worked it out with myself yet. I will let you know that it wasn't a fluffy-fuzzy-I've-found-god kinda moment. It was more a morose I-get-the-bigger-picture kinda moment.

I also determined the reason my dad and I can't see eye-to-eye is because we are so much alike we infuriate one another. Now that I've accepted this, it's made family gatherings much easier.

I sat down and had a good long talk with mom about stuff too, over the weekend, and found out some things that I probably should have been clued in on a little sooner. Like Depression runs in my father's side of the family, and I have a great Uncle that died of it.
Like the only reason my family has always lived in Cheshire, and not in New Hampshire is because my grandfather made my dad promise to never let the farm go to someone outside the family. No pressure there, huh? And then the old coot (rest his soul) up and died.

And it was then that I realized it. I am the only grandchild in any potential position to take over the farm. The rest are too old, too moved on in their lives, or too young.
I'm so close to being blooded to that land that I might as well have it's shale ledges for bones, and it's springs for blood. I know every corner of it back-wards and sideways. It's no good for farming and it's no good for developing, (not that I'd ever see that happen.) But I could raise dogs out there. I could raise horses. I could be happy.
But none of my friends would come with me. Few would visit, and then eventually they'd dwindle away.
There's no job potential. It's no fun, unless, like me, you like it quiet and simple.

What am I to do? Get through this school year. See what tomorrow brings. Breathe.

Try to forget that by default I too am bound by promise.

- K.