Dumbley Doo..

Futzing about at work... Worrying, because well, that's what I do. Have a game tonight, 3rd ed. D&D. Have to see if I can change plans for tomorrow, as the heap big culture monster wants me to usher. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I had already made other plans, but if I don't go usher, there's a good chance that I won't get asked to do it again for Trinity or TRSC..
Suck.

grumble

Got sucked into ushering the show tomorrow. I understand that it's good for me, and it gets me culture, but I'm really less than bowled over by modern dance. I did it for a while, (4 years,) even though you wouldn't know it to look at me, and I'm still less than excited about it. I get more excited about the Ballet (6 years.)Hopefully my show off goodwill will be a hint to the uppity-ups though.
Had to contend with icky situation again. Don't really know where Cervantes and me stand right now. I don't know how to answer the questions he's asking. I don't know myself lately. It's like I'm waking up and the world has moved on around me. I'd like to find a deep dark warm hole and go to sleep for a long time, but then I tell my lizard brain that I have homework to do.
Think I would like to go to the movies this weekend. Perhaps to see Brotherhood of the Wolf. Don't think I'm going to deal well with the wolf evisceration scenes, but I can always find an excuse to get up and leave the theater for a bit. Thinking a massive throbbing horde to surround myself with will be better than small and intimate. The anti-social wants to get lost in people, now isn't that a twist?
Think I'm having some pretty serious self-identity/image issues. Not sure how to deal with it. It's got me thinking though, so I guess that's good. Or not, I'm not really clear on where things lie. Starting to wonder if I dislike myself so much I'm the one self-destructing the relationship.
Oh well. Somethings are better dealt with in the light... Others are more honestly seen in the dark...

Off to snuggle under furs...
- K.