Away to Me

Feb. 2nd, 2011 04:02 pm
kragore: (Default)
While I own a pet, I am more than a pet owner. I am the steward of another living being's life.

From the day we accept the responsibility of their care, we also accept that we may be called to make their final decision. We play with them, care for them, comfort them when they are ill, feed them and nourish them in body and in mind.

They look to us for safety and well being. There are many who would say, "I want them to live as long as possible - I want them to die naturally."
That, in my eyes, is a fool's wish and a coward's excuse.

There is nothing natural about a pet's existence. Domestic cats revert to feral pretty rapidly, but their quality of life in that state is not what society currently find acceptable for a pet. There are no wild herds of majestic Holsteins roaming the plains. No wild packs of King Charles Spaniels carrying out the circle of life in the wilderness.

We have selectively bred domestic animals for our use - for our enjoyment and pleasure. As a result, we have an innate and irrefutable responsibility to them.

To hope that they simply die peacefully in their sleep of old age is an idyllic endgame we hope for all of our beloved charges. This is very often not reality.
The reality is much more grim - a sickness that can't be cured, a pain that can not be alleviated.

As the steward of this small life, we have the power and reasoning ability to choose to prolong their life, or end it with simple, quiet dignity.

This is a gift. The one last greatest kindness we can afford them. A kindness we can't even share with our own kind.
After contemplation of their quality vs quantity of life, it is us, the owners, who have to make that choice. The pets can tell you in so many unspoken ways when it is their time, but it is the owner who must bear the terrible, beautiful responsibility of carrying it out.

There will always, always be questions after wards. Did I do the right thing? Was it the right time? Was there anything else I could have done?
But there is comfort in a life well lived, and a life well tended. If you have done what you can within your means to make that creature's life comfortable, with little fear, and a treat and pat on the head once in a while - that is the accumulation of good.

"Away to me, lad," the shepherds call.
And so it goes - Away to me. Comforted by the thought that we've always tried to do right by our mute beasts.
kragore: (Bailey)
Over the weekend, I gave fight and eradicated the Evil DustBunny Overlords that had reigned over my house lo these many months. The kitchen was detoxed and mopped. The bathroom saw the same treatment, with a seperate foray into the realm of the shower for a deep clean. The entryway, livingroom, stairs, bedroom and guest bedroom were all vaccumed to within an inch of loosing their carpets. Baseboards were dusted. Windows were washed, inside and out. Laundry was washed, dried, IRONED and hung. The kitchen table was cleared (if even just momentarily.) Certain camping gear that won't come out until next year was cleaned and packed away in the crawlspace.

By the end, I was exhausted, but it felt awesome. Took myself around the corner to the Pub for a beer and some fish 'n chips. Came home and watched "Legion". They had me until Gabriel whipped out his Ronco OneTouch PowerMagic Blender Mace.

Sunday saw brunch with Little Brother, and a return to me baking. It's been about a year since I had time to bake, and it felt wonderful to be able to play in dough again. I think I let them over rise a little, but I'm not too worried. The cool, rainy weather was just right so that I felt I could turn on the oven and not cook us all out of the house.

The one glaring point of the weekend is that Mr. Dog is unwell. For some reason, his hot spot this time started in his groin, where I couldn't see it, and Blossomed up through his chest and into his face.
Such to the point where he was telling me in no uncertian terms to leave him the eff alone, with his pearly whites. He didn't even wake me up this morning, with his big wet nose in my ear, and I found him downstairs, still on his bed.

This afternoon will be filled with Vets, muzzles, clippers, possibly tranqualizers, and copious amounts of antibiotics.

This is my thrilled face. The icon repersents his thrilled face.
- K.
kragore: (Default)
A friend's recent post got me thinking about my old nemesis.

Wings )


Jun. 16th, 2010 03:04 pm
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When I was with the Ex, I had incredible access to music, and a lot of it. If nothing else, he left me with a much deeper appreciation of many different types/styles of music, from Robert Johnson to Art of Noise and a lot in between.

When I took the job at the Four letter company, I inherited a laptop stuffed full of music that hadn't been wiped. I had lost access to the Ex's collection, but I gained the Work Predecessor's, so all wasn't lost.

I've been slowly adding things back via the iTunes, and today got one of the most... not important, but... influential? albums from that time of my life. All hail the iTunes, which gives me the Gorillaz.

Now I'm left to hunt up a copy of the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack...
kragore: (Default)
So yep, it was my birthday. The stepping from one decade into the next, though really, it's just stepping from one day into the next, like the past 10,950 (though those early days were less stepping and more crawling.)
(Come to think of it, there were a lot of days like that in the past decade too.)

I fall into a different advertising age demographic now. Woo. But there's nothing like "Ohh, I get to drink!" "Ohh, I get to drive" or even the last anti-climatic one "Ohh, I get to rent a car now!"
All this one means is that I have to get serious about a retirement plan and life insurance that isn't linked to work. I get to spend more money, and see nothing physical in return.
I can barely contain myself with excitement.

I watched my brother graduate from my Alma Mater on my 30th birthday, and in a way, it was pretty damn cool. My sister graduated on my birthday back in '04, it's become a weird little tradition, I guess.) I had a fine evening last night with good friends, and a fine day today with my family. For the most part, all parties involved are happy and healthy. I can't ask for very much more than that.

I only started keeping this strange, weird... document... 8 years ago, so I can't do a lift from my 20th birthday, but here's a lift from my 22nd.

Smoke )

I am the same and I'm different. Harder, maybe. A smidge more reflective. I'd like to think a slightly better communicator. I know I'm a better driver, no matter what my sister's opinion. I'm better traveled, anyway.

Thank you all for your well wishes.
The road is odd, full of potholes, speed bumps, and random flower gardens, but I am blessed.
kragore: (Default)
Nietzsche should be shot and dragged through boiling tar, then hung on a fence so we can all know what bullshit that line is.

That which does not kill us does whittle away at our being. After it pares away the excess, it starts cutting into what makes us whole. And when it starts to cut away at our core, we start loosing who we are.

I understand pushing through adversity. I understand needing modivation to get through that wall.
But that dumb quote gets lodged in a lot of people's brains, and in many cases drives them to do Really Stupid Things.
Myself included.
kragore: (Default)
Just went through and pared down my AIM "buddy list".
I've had the account since highschool, and a lot of the names were grey half memories. They never pop up as active any more, and I don't know that I would chat with them even if they did.

Life moves on. We dance in different circles, changing partners as we go.
I left a few of the grey names on the list - people who've drifted out of life, and I wonder idlely where they've gone sometimes. Not enough to get a Facebook account- more the wonderment from a past era, when people would drift and it was normal.

I do wonder if some of them made it to middle life, though.
- k.
kragore: (Default)
I have a little widget on my computer. it is a list widget. I made a list at the beginning of last year of all the things I wanted/needed to get done.
Let's visit the list. )

And with the close of that list I will begin a new one. Likely a little more sparse with the sudden influx of SCA events I'll be attending, but I guess it's good for me to have a list.

Things that will be added:
Get M'cycle running and likely sold (carry over)
Find ATV for farm
Get dental fixed (pseudo carry-over)
Firearms class - Get FID or the like
Heavy list kit assembled and qual'd (carry over)
Haul out spare room and make functional
Events, omg the events

I'm sure more will be added as I go along.


Dec. 24th, 2009 11:43 am
kragore: (Default)
I don't often post lyrics, because I like words and can generally craft them myself.
But this... is fitting... today.

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

- Ani Defranco, 32 Flavors
kragore: (Default)
Reposted from Tashabear.

"Most of you know that my beloved husband, Wolfie, passed away on December 15th. (If you didn't, don't worry about it; I friends-locked the posts about his illness. He had H1N1 and died of complications after a seven week struggle.) He was much loved by his friends and family, and will be missed by more people that I think even he would have guessed.

So many of you have said how his art inspired you, and how you were touched by his humor and kindness and generosity. Here's what I want you to do:

If you see someone having a bad day, ask them what's troubling them. Give them a chance to vent. Sometimes that's all they want.

Pay random compliments.

Share. Share your time, share a joke, share a hug, share a drink.

Appreciate the beauty of the world. Everyone has a story, and they want to tell it.

Help people. Even getting something off the top shelf in the grocery store can make someone's day. Think of what helping with the clean-up after a party can do.


Be kind. Be loving. Be awesome to one another.

Don't forget him. Tell stories about him. Tell the people you love how you feel. I never missed a chance to tell him that I loved him -- don't ever miss a chance in your own lives.

Thanks, y'all. Go forth and do good things."


Nov. 23rd, 2009 12:05 pm
kragore: (Default)
Was fed dinner by the pretty pretty princess? - check
Sat around sipping rum with Bytcharse and Hugh until way too late? - check
Rescued Fair lady from unpleasant city? - check
Stacked firewood in penance? - check
Converted King/Queen/East Tyger to Vector? - check
Made a batch of pumpkin cookies and vaccumed the house? - check
Sent out box of stuff to Afganistan? - check

Now, for the real work...
kragore: (Default)
After a lot of bitching, whining, (maybe a little crocodile tears) and conjoling, (maybe a few beers,) Horsechaser and I got Dad to agree to buy fenceposts and start fencing in parts of the pasture.

This is a very good thing. There is a sale next weekend. If you come home with critters, you'd better have somewhere to put 'em.
Used old railroad ties for the corner posts, sunk them 4'. Used pressure-treated 4x4"s, sunk about 2-3' in between. We're still working on what's going to go inbetween - we've got some 8'+ lengths of ash in the barn, but no nearly enough to do the whole fence. Horsechaser will work on that part this week.

New England is good for growing rocks. Even in fields that have been cultivated for 50+ years. I'm a big fan of the 8" auger that goes on the back of the tractor. I'm less a fan of the 4" power auger that one has to operate like a jackhammer. Who knew a 4" rock could stop dead a 4" auger?
Still, the first row of posts are up.

At one point, as the temp was getting hot, and the black flies were whining, Dad looked at up and said, "You know - I just don't get it. There aren't a lot of girls who'd be out here doing this for their pop - for themselves... I just don't understand."
HorseChaser got quiet. All I could say was "Dad - This is exactly the type of "status meeting" I want to be having. If I never have to sit through another "One-on-one" that dosen't involve me bottle feeding critters, I'll be a happy, happy girl."

He grunted and gave us this wierd look that for the life of me I couldn't read.

We fired up the auger again, and we proceeded to beat the crap out of the rocks.
kragore: (Default)
There's a clatter and bang, a softly uttered oath that we, as children, never would have heard resonate from the kitchen.
The mixer is on, grinding away at something that I'm sure, under my mother's capable hands, will be turned into something delightful.
There sights, and smells, and things going on - subile things you never thing about until they aren't there anymore, that are back. They were lost in the ash that was the past handful of years.

Granted, the table is far more empty now. I feel the ghosts of my aunt and granmother learing over my shoulder as I attempt to set the table, (wrong,) and mom tells me where the forks go for another holiday.

I wish I could bottle this all and share it with you - to take home and keep for long dark nights of the soul, to rub on like a salve when the heart hurts.

Life is short. I know, logically, that I won't have this forever. That someday, for better or worse, it will change. I hope to someday be able to make my own memories, my own clatter and bang, and have my family around me to share in it.

For now, I will savor that I have them all around me for now.

I am thankful for my crazy yankee family.
I'm thankful for my dog's health, and the people who were there to see to it
I am thankful for my friends, every last odd one of you. Even when I want to shake you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
- K, and Mr. McWoofyPants
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My friend - that you could see the strange, brave new landscape of American politics. I can only wonder what your acerbic take on situation would be. Likely something involving a great deal of Wild Turkey and a stock pile of firearms that you kept, no matter who ran things. Mahalo, HST.

A Jewish rabbi in Wyoming is attempting to drum up attendance at Temple by baking bread and randomly dropping by local Jewish person's homes and giving them said bread (with no strings attached, just a feel-good, how ya doing thing.) Apparently this is an old custom.
Who knew I was a semi-practicing Jew?

My Mr Bailey's lump has grown a lump. I was told by Vet #1 it was a wart. I'm not thinking that is the case anymore, and it makes me concerned. Need to schedule vet appt.

Went and saw Dentist #2 about Dentist #1. Dentist #2 had much better bedside manner, and with Dentist #2's say-so, I shall be calling to schedule procedure with Dentist #1.

Agricultural-grade cedar fence posts are a pain in the ass to find, and bloody freaking expensive when you do.

It takes a long time to realize that having experienced one of the greatest emotional pains, you are now better able to understand some of the world's greatest art on a level many others never will.
Doesn't negate the fact that experiencing that pain Sucked Balls.

Pats won. Woot.

I need to vaccum and fold laundry. Where has the time gone?

Children of Winter got my snow-game on. You can't help but be swayed by the infectious passion of winter people while crammed into a little theater watching dare-devils fling themselves down ridiculous runs set to a really decent soundtrack. Everyone leaves wanting to see it snowing. There's a great quote about it I have to hunt up.

I left my mundanes in CT at the event. Now begins the process of trying to hunt them down again. *Sigh*

I have a lot to do, and seemingly not a lot of time to do it. Looking forward to the Thanksgiving break - hopefully it will give me some time to put my head on while putting in fence posts, (if we can find some reasonably.)

Coworker, (who only has to breathe to get the hair on the back of my neck to stand up,) is back again, breathing down my neck. Joy.

- k.
kragore: (Default)
Now, I've considered the practical side of living out of my car, but in my case, it would be a lifestyle choice, not a necessity. But then I remember that I really am a Taurus at heart, and though I can live without them, I do enjoy creature comforts.
Like, you know, plumbing.

Dude, sweet Vanagon...
- K.
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I got a phone call yesterday from my mum.

There's this tone in her voice that I can identify instantly now. It's the "Someone's Died" tone. Unfortunately, I've had a lot of practice at identifing it.
I hate that I can smell it even over the phone lines, miles and miles away. )
kragore: (Default)
Fall, that is.

I did order my couch - it will be delivered tomorrow morning. Yay! I wasn't sold on the idea of owning furniture, but... it's hard to entertain with nothing but an odd assortment of kitchen chairs. Now I'm rather looking forward to it, as indoor weather is fast approaching.

Got a call from DrthCr1, and so rather than find the event, I went over and helped him with some house stuff. Felt good to be productive.

On the way home, I drove down through the greater Acton, stopping to get a bag of dropped apples with which to make pie. It was absolutely beautiful out. Picked up some stuff at Idlewylde, and hit the grocery for pie-making supplies. Came back to the Chez, managed to screw up a frozen crust (razzlefrazzlefuckingdunderhead..) but got the pie in anyway. Had a lovely dinner of goat cheese, crackers and figs, and in 20 short minutes, I'll be taking the two pooches out again for another nice long stroll.

Acton will always be Fall to me. I lived there through all her seasons, but she wears fall the best. It felt good to wander through today, like slipping on an old sweatshirt. At the same time, it was so empty. There was no one with me to share it with, none of those who would have been in the past. No walking around the corner to leave pumpkins on people's doorsteps. It was beautiful, sweet, sharp, and a little melancholy. I can't say I miss the lifestyle, but I find myself wistful about it. I think really it was just the great proximity of so many of my good friends.

Now, tea, and that walk.
- K.


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